I love Transformation Tuesday because not only do I get to see everyone else's journeys and how far they have come, I also get to look back at my journey as well. Sometimes you need to take a step back and look how far you have come to keep you motivated and I do this weekly. Today, though, I am looking at my mental transformation. Throughout my journey, I have been through every possible emotion; Hate, Love, Insecure, Angry, Hunger, Starved, Stuffed, Guilt, Pleasure, Pain, Success, Failure, most all within my first year! I started my weight loss adventure with Weight Watchers and had no idea how to lose weight because before my rapid weight gain, I was "skinny fat" (not being big but having no muscle or tone due to lack of exercise or diet) and never worked out while eating what ever I wanted. So the beginning was a struggle for me. Starting Weight Watchers helped me lose the first 15ish pounds but it wasn't healthy. It was a diet, which is not how life should be. I would starve all day or eat an apple for breakfast, special K bar for snack, small salad for lunch, barely anything for dinner just so I could eat Oreos at night before bed with milk because HECK I had the points! I didn't understand why I felt so sluggish while still losing pounds. Then the weight loss stopped, like STOPPED! For months, I fought with my scale, weighing myself acouple times a day and the more that I didn't lose, the more cardio I did, along with cutting back my food even more.
Like I said in my Intro post, I then found Insanity along with my coach. I was still going to do Weight Watchers but I found out that I could not get through the workouts doing Weight Watchers and had no idea why. Then I calculated how many calories I was eating, 1100-1250 calories a day! WHAT?!?!?!?!?! Along with burning 500 + calories a day I was in such a deficit, my body was holding on to what ever food I ate for dear life! That is when I picked up clean eating and counting my calories instead of Weight Watcher Points.
In the beginning I was frustrated over my scale, hurt because I was trying so hard and getting nowhere, having minimal energy because I was not fueling my body, guilty for enjoying myself at parties and then eating very little the next day to make up for it, and had an AWFUL relationship with my scale and food. By 2013, I received a new outlook for my journey. I now understand (through research and my coach) that I NEED food and that 1200 calories is just not acceptable for anyone, especially someone working out, I learned that cardio is just simply not going to cut it and need to get some REAL exercise into my routine, and to just stop DIETING! You heard me, I DO NOT DIET! I eat clean, its a lifestyle and I truly enjoy it! I LOVE fresh fruits and veggies, sweet potatoes, chicken, quinoa, oatmeal, and love to experiment with real, natural foods. Along with eating clean, I do enjoy my favorite foods, just in moderation (which is something I have never learned before until 2013) like cheesecake, brownies, pizza, wings, nachos BUT only once a week and in moderation!
I now LOVE to workout, it is no longer torture like it was in the beginning. I have way more energy then I ever had. I actually gave my scale away because I developed a very unhealthy habit of weighing myself daily or acouple times a day and that would determine my mood for the day (LADIES GET RID OF THAT SCALE!) and it was the best thing I could have done for myself. I have a very healthy relationship with food now, not restricting food groups and not starving myself so I can eat the foods I love. And mostly, I am happy! I love to talk about fitness, health and nutrition to anyone that will listen. I love being able to help others on their journeys.I no longer am obsessed with a number on the scale, feel like I have to go to the gym 2 hours a day, feel ashamed to share my story, feel embarrassed of how I look or put on a fake smile for pictures And for once, I am not afraid to show my before and after picture and admit, I am still on my journey because it NEVER stops! This journey is not just physical, it is mental as well!
"Whatever you hold in your mind will tend to occur in your life. If you continue to believe as you have always believed, you will continue to act as you have always acted. If you continue to act as you have always acted, you will continue to get what you have always gotten. If you want different results in your life or your work, all you have to do is change your mind." -Anonymous
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